Deer Uncle Gerald
Night at the Beekler house. Dylan clips Golan's toe claws, then says her prayers (to Golan), and goes to bed. (Well, Golan goes to sleep in Dylan's bed, while Dylan goes to sleep in a pet bed.) While they both sleep, a mysterious, shadowy figure enters the room and snatches Dylan away. Golan wakes in the morning to find everyone gone. He tries to call Richard, who doesn't take the call. Dylan wakes up in the car Richard is driving, along with Carole and Alexis. They tell Dylan that her great uncle Gerald has died, and they're on their way to the funeral. Dylan is excited for her first funeral, and a chance to see a dead body, but she's upset when she learns they've left Golan behind. Meanwhile, Golan has called the police to report the abduction of the Beeklers. He describes the abductor, based on his own imagination, to the Mayor, who for some reason is acting as a sketch artist. But Golan receives a call from Dylan, who had stolen Alexis's phone. But Alexis takes it back before Dylan can tell Golan where they are. When Golan finds out the police haven't traced the call, he's enraged, and about to kill the Mayor, until he sees a picture of Alexis on the Mayor's phone, because he "follows all the teenage girls in town on Instagram." Golan sees the sign for the World's Largest Box of Wine in the background of Alexis's selfie, and gets even more upset that the Beeklers left him behind, because he wanted to go there, so he destroys the Mayor's phone. Meanwhile, the Beeklers arrive at the funeral, and Dylan is annoyed when she finds out Gerald had been cremated, so there was no body. Golan goes to the World's Largest Box of Wine, and tortures the teenage sommelier who works there, hoping he can tell him where the Beeklers have gone. It turns out he's been texting with Alexis ever since they met, so he can ask her where they are. Alexis asks Dylan not to tell Keith about this flirtation, but Dylan says she doesn't care about anything Alexis does. Golan crashes the funeral, and he's drunk from drinking so much wine. Richard takes Golan outside to chastise him for coming, and informs him that they left him behind on purpose, because he isn't family. Golan is surprised and hurt that Richard doesn't think of him as family. He decides to do something nice for Richard: transfer Gerald's spirit into a new vessel, so Richard can say goodbye. He gets Dylan to steal Gerald's ashes, and to distract everyone in the funeral home, she sabotages the brake on Gerald's widow's scooter, and she rolls out into traffic. That night, Dylan meets Golan with the ashes, which she feeds to a deer Golan had brought to serve as Gerald's vessel. They bring the deer to Richard, who is taking a shower. Golan and Dylan then leave the deer alone in the motel bathroom with Richard, and it begins mauling him. In the other room, Golan reflects that he's done a good thing, and wishes he'd said goodbye to his own father, before killing him and eating all four of his hearts. Dylan then admits she hadn't actually fed the deer Gerald's ashes; it was just coffee grounds, because at the last minute she'd decided she couldn't go through with spoiling her great uncle's last wish, to have his ashes spread over a lake. Golan admits he'd gotten bored waiting for Dylan to show up with the ashes, so... the deer was no longer a virgin, as the vessel was supposed to be. Later, the whole family (including Golan) attends the scattering of Gerald's ashes on the lake. Back to list of Episodes Category:Episodes Category:Pilot Season